Simon, Defender Against Skunk-beast

Hello canine and homo sapien friends!

It’s your old pal, Simon.  AKA Simey-Pal.  AKA Skeeter.  It’s my newest nickname.  I just go with it at this point.  Just don’t call me late for dinner.

I’m so glad that Mumzie forgot to log off the computer so that I could sneak on and share my latest tale (or is it tail…?) with all of you.  It’s a little bit of a…

SKUNKY situation.

Let me begin at the beginning.  A few weeks ago, my people were headed out for church.  I did my usual – sniffed around the table for breakfast leftovers, got a little guzzlet of water and hopped up on my little person’s bed so I could patrol the neighborhood while my people were gone.

But this morning, my people did something a little different.  I heard Daddio open the garage door, and I heard Mumzie say, “What in heaven’s name happened in here?!  It didn’t look like this when I closed it.”  Daddio looked under the Jeep and said, “Oh man.  It’s a skunk.”  You can just imagine how my ears perked up.  Next thing I know, Mumzie brought the little people back in the house while Daddio backed out the Jeep and attempted to extricate the enemy from our compound.  Daddio didn’t have much luck with that endeavor, so he called Mumzie and the little people out of the house.  Mumzie, of course, grabbed the camera to document.  Does that lady go anywhere without the camera?

Daddio told Mumzie that he thought they should leave the garage door open so that the enemy could escape.  Mumzie agreed, and she added in something about the enemy “retaliating” if he needed to be removed by force, so I knew I had some sort of beast on my paws.  He was not going to leave willingly.  I, Simon, Defender of My People, would have to do all I could within the constraints of the house.  I mean, who do these people think I am?  McGyverDog?

When my people returned home an hour or two later, they inspected the garage and determined that the sly enemy had vacated.  BUT, did they bother to ask Simon?  No, of course not.  I mean, really.  I patiently poised myself on my perch (little person’s bed), on the lookout for the enemy rodent, and I knew – for a fact – that he did not vacate our garage.

Mumzie and Daddio parked the Jeep in the driveway and planned to tidy the garage back up that afternoon.  Of course, life happens and they ended up not getting around to it.  So, Daddio closed the garage and they made plans to clean it up in the next few days.

Five night and four days later, Mumzie and Daddio waited until both little people were napping (a rarity around here, trust me.  My little people keep me busy.) and they went to the garage to clean up after the enemy’s mess.  Just as I knew would happen, Mumzie and Daddio opened the garage again and were greeted with a terrible, terrible mess.  [When is someone going to ask for my input?  Seriously.]  Mumzie was in absolute disbelief.  It had been a long week around the house because Mumzie and the little people had a virus.  [I know how that feels, when I was rescued as a puppy, I had parvo virus.  Terrible, terrible stuff.]  Anyway, Mumzie was already tired, and it was very hot outside, and now this.  Daddio started cleaning out the Jeep, as Mumzie had planned to do too.  While he worked, Mumzie asked Daddio what he thought about the situation.  ”Do you think it escaped somehow?  I mean, it tried to eat inedible things, it chewed the drywall…clearly it was desperate.  Animal Control can’t get here until Monday!  That’s four days away, and we’re supposed to travel.  We can’t just leave this situation as it is.  What should we do?” Through my little person’s window, I heard this entire conversation, saw Mumzie and Daddio stand and look at the garage with furrowed brows, and carefully search the garage for the enemy.  That’s when I heard it.  Mumzie said my favorite words ever.  [Yes, my favorite words - even more than steak, or chicken, or treat.]  Mumzie said, “Micah, you know who this is a job for…?”

SIMON.

Ohhhh yes, my friends!  Simon, to the rescue!

Mumzie came inside and grabbed my leash.  Almost always a good sign!  She told me to sit, and then she explained that there was something called a “skunk” in the garage, and he’d made a big, giant mess.  She told me that my job was to find the skunk, and that she and Daddio would get him out.  And, she promised me that she would give me an entire piece of boneless, skinless chicken if I was successful.  I don’t even get that on my family day!  Now, you know that I was already motivated to find this so-called “skunk,” but you can bet that it meant even more to me now!

Mumzie opened the door and out we went to the garage.  Mumzie sat on the step ladder and I instantly picked up the scent of this skunk-beast.  He had, indeed, chewed at a piece of the drywall in the garage.  He overturned a bag of potting soil, and he had ripped into a bag of clothes that Mumzie was going to donate.  And, of course, he’d left his own “presents” for us, too.  Beast.

After about five minutes of inspecting all of the evidence he left for us, I found him.  Skunk-beast was trying to camouflage himself behind a Rubbermaid container of Easter decorations.  Pfff, like he could fool me.  Nothing can trick this nose!  I pranced over to Mumzie, who asked me, “Did you find him, boy?”  I whined, walked right back over to the spot where the enemy hid, and then ran back to Mumzie.  ”Is that him, Simon?  Is that where he is?”  Right back to that spot I went, and then returned to Mumzie, whining some more.  ”Are you sure, Simon?  Is it back there?”  Woman, this nose sniffs out more than jam hands and underpants, okay?  Yes, that is where the Skunk-beast is.  Just like Shakira’s hips, my nose doesn’t lie.

Mumzie put the leash on me and walked over to the Skunk-beast’s hiding spot.  She saw it and said, “Micah, Simon’s right!  It’s over here!”  Of course, that was followed with “Good boy, Simey-Pal!  You’ve got some yummy chicken coming your way!  Now, let’s get you inside so that Daddio and I can get Skunk-beast out of our place! Good dog!”  More of my favorite words.  I just love being called a good dog.

After eating a treat from Mumzie, I poised my front paws on little person’s windowsill so I could watch the action.  What I heard was Daddio tell Mumzie to use the baby gates to partition off different parts of the garage so that Skunk-beast couldn’t backpedal and burrow himself deeper in our garage.  They finally got him to the front corner of the garage, where the Skunk-beast refused to budge.  Mumzie was pretty mad and frustrated at this point, so she and Daddio each grabbed a ski pole and started gently poking Skunk-beast.  He still refused to budge, so Mumzie gave him a (slightly) sharper poke, and that’s when Skunk-beast got mad.  There was a scratching and a hiss, Daddio backed out of the garage, and Mumzie ran out saying “Oh he’s mad, he’s mad!”  I have to admit, this made me chuckle.

Skunk-beast was gently poked a little more and finally ran out of the garage…only to run right back in.  Square one, friends.  Mumzie and Daddio couldn’t do anything except laugh.  It was fun to watch them work together as a team; and, despite their frustration, end up laughing about the whole thing.

They got Skunk-beast back to the front corner of the garage and Daddio made an executive decision to get the water hose.  He changed the nozzle to “blast” and that’s exactly what it did.  All of a sudden the water stopped and Mumzie and Daddio ran out of the garage with their shirts covering their faces.  I didn’t know what that was all about until later, when Mumzie and Daddio invited me out to help them clean up.  Skunk-beast was still holed up in the corner, so when the apparent smell subsided some more, Daddio started the water again.  The hose had kinked, so Mumzie went around the corner to fix that.  Just as she started to return to the garage, Skunk-beast scurried around the corner and that close encounter made Mumzie scream.  I couldn’t help but bark with delight while Mumzie and Daddio cheered and Skunk-beast retreated across the street.

Mumzie let me come back out to the garage to see what had transpired.  She also took this photo of Daddio “fighting off” Skunk-beast.

While they cleaned, Mumzie suggested to Daddio that maybe I deserve a promotion from Pawvite First Class.  Obviously, I proved my abilities to defend our compound against all enemies, both foreign and domestic.  I would gladly accept a promotion; but, I’m just glad that Mumzie and Daddio see that I’m useful for more than entertaining the little people, belly wubs and warming their feet.

The moral of this story?

1.  Do not anger a Skunk-beast.  Woowee, those things stink!  Washing affected areas with vinegar, and spraying with Lysol, is effective in eradicating the stink, though.

2.  Even when you’re fighting a Skunk-beast, make sure you’re having fun.  Otherwise, it’s just miserable.

3.  Close the garage door before dark.  No exceptions.

4.  Always, always ask Simey-Pal for help.  And trust this sniffer.

 

Disclaimer:  Mumzie wanted me to make sure to tell you that no Skunk-beasts were harmed (despite ski-pole-poking) in the process of vacating Skunk-beast from our garage.  Whatever Skunk-beast does on his own time, well, that’s his business.